Mike Valenti is my new hero

Continuing with the countdown of the 100 events that shaped 2006 as a year to remember, this post will take a look back at number 97, when a guy born one day before me gave one of the greatest rants in the history of radio.

I had predicted in this blog that Michigan State (a school that one of my relatives attended) were going to beat what I still believe is an overrated Notre Dame team in East Lansing and use that to contend for the Big Ten championship.

But I quickly remembered that this is Michigan State, the Chicago Cubs of college football, a program that has been mired in mediocrity for the last 40 years.

I was liveblogging the game for a college football blog and figured that the Spartans were going to beat Notre Dame and shut the media pundits up about the Fighting Irish’s quest for a national championship.

For a minute, I figured that my prediction of Michigan State defeating those Golden Domers was going to come true.

Then the shit hit the fan.

In front of a national audience, the Spartans completely gagged the game away.

For a couple of days, I read the papers in Detroit and a few of the Spartan blogs on the Internet.

One of which had this interesting clip of some guy, who I would later find out to be Mike Valenti, who co-host a talk show in Detroit on WXYT 1270.

When I listened to it the first time, the first thought was the rant that Ray Nagin made after Hurricane Katrina hit the city of New Orleans.

No humor.

Then when I downloaded the entire show to my computer a day later, I couldn’t help but laugh at how Mike Valenti went after everybody in the Michigan State football program from John L. Smith to the last guy on the team.

Here are some of those quotes (all by Valenti, unless noted):

“Desmond Howard’s not the only one laughing at Michigan State. Louisville is and we appreciate you taking that loser off our hands.”-Pete from Louisville

“You know what I saw? I saw a kid with an entire program on his back, begging for help!!!!”

“I’d rather have H.R. Puffinstuff and Teddy Ruxpin as defensive coordinator and assistant!!!!”
“You let them [Notre Dame] make adjustments at halftime so fat boy can feed them pudding.”

Well, with John L. gone from Michigan State, wonder what Valenti is going to say about Michigan State’s remaining games?

Probably nothing better than what was said on September 25th.

Get the picture MSU?

A lot of people that read this blog will probably ask themselves why would someone who has no rooting interest in a school would want to write a piece about an inept shitface of a coach at that very same school.

But after what has pretty much turned into a complete joke in college football, the good people at Michigan State University hasn’t gotten the message that it’s time to get John L. Smith out of there before it gets to the point where Michigan State football falls into the same category as football at Indiana, Illinois, and a few years back, here at the University of Memphis.

An afterthought.

Michigan State football over the last few weeks has garnered nothing but chuckles from the national media, ranging from former Wolverine great Desmond Howard to a funny tirade on a Detroit radio station by Michigan State graduate Mike Valenti (a tape that I downloaded on Wednesday) that has garnered national attention to what is nothing more than the biggest joke in college football.

Wait a minute, the Chicago Cubs of the Big Ten.

I remembered when John L. Smith was at the University of Louisville and I remembered how the guy would run up the score and sit back and smoke a cigar right in the opponents’ face (mainly Memphis) and I almost ended up going to Louisville because I wanted to be part of a winning tradition in football and basketball .

The year I graduated from high school, Smith went to Michigan State and cleant up the mess that was there when Bobby Williams coached the Spartans back in 2001 and 2002.

And for a minute it seemed as though the Spartans made the right decision in hiring John L.

But this is Michigan State.

The Spartans have only made one bowl game since John L. has been in East Lansing, the 2003 Alamo Bowl with Jeff Smoker as quarterback.

The next three years?

Three seasons of major fuckups in games in which they blew leads against Ohio State, Michigan, La. Tech, and even worse the Fighting Irish of Notre Dame.

Including what is pretty much the biggest collapse in the history of college football when the Spartans faced the Fighting Irish on Sept. 23rd.

A 37-21 lead by the Spartans that went the same way that the Yankees’ season have ended the last three seasons.

In smoke.

Then you couple that with a loss to the former laughingstock of the Big 10, Illinois on Homecoming weekend and then sink to lower depths by fighting with the Illini as they staked their claim on the turf of Spartan Stadium by planting the Illinois flag in midfield.

Hell, if the Spartans can stake their claim at Notre Dame Stadium, the Fighting Illini ought take three cans of orange and blue paint and put a big fat-ass “I” in Spartan Stadium.

But after yesterday’s blowout loss to Michigan, has the people in East Lansing got the message yet?

Get a coach that has ties to the university and someone that won’t be a complete of a fuckup of a coach.

Not someone that has no desire or no fire to be a coach in the Big Ten.

Wonder what’s Steve Maricucci’s doing?

Midday update

I thought for sure this would be a happy post after the Cardinals’ game and on to the National League Champioship Series they would go, but the Padres’ superb young pitcher Chris Young allowed me to wait until tomorrow for a possible series clinch in St. Louis with Chris Carpenter going to the mound for the Cardinals against the Padres’ ace, Jake Peavy (pending) as the Padres beat the Cardinals 3-1 at Busch Stadium.

And for the first time this series, the photo of myself and my friends (including the chocolate cutie) did not appear at once during the game.

How odd.

I had picked Auburn to beat the Jesus out of Arkansas, but the Hogs turned the table and upset the number-two Auburn Tigers 27-10 in Auburn.

Leaving me to wonder who will be number two in the BCS standings when it comes out on next week.

I also picked the Boilermakers to eke out a narrow victory against the Iowa Hawkeyes, but Drew Tate and company ruined that for me as they shit-kicked the Boilermakers 47-17 in Iowa City, leaving me at 0-2 on today.

The Detroit Tigers are leading the Yankees (for those that are interested) 3-0 in the bottom of the third inning. I’m not sure what the hell is going on in the Motor City because I’m watching the Michigan-Michigan State game (picked the Wolverines by three touchdowns) and the Wolverines lead 7-0 in the first quarter.

I can sense the “Fire John L.” chants starting to heat up.

In the last two days…………

Well, for the last two days, I’ve been blogging on Viva El Birdos about the playoffs and brought the same zany shit you read about in this blog to my columns on the Cardinals.

Not to say that’s there been a shortage of things to write about in my blog, it’s just the thing about working on a book (got an email from the publisher on this morning before I left for work) and writing two columns for two separate blogs.

I’m sure by now you’ve heard about the incredible rant that Mike Valenti (who happened to be born a day before I was according to his website) delivered on his radio show after Michigan State’s historic choke against Notre Dame on September 23rd.

I actually have the entire show from Sept. 25th downloaded to my computer and I have listened to it the last three days and I thank God everyday that I’m not one of them hapless Michigan State fans.

Literally.

The new prospective owners of the Memphis Grizzlies were introduced a few days ago and turns out that former Dookshit Christian Lattner wanted to play for the team as well as own the Grizz.

And he’s a power forward, which according to Ron Tillery, is a position that is waterlogged now for the Grizz.

And also has been out of basketball for a year.

I’ve also enlisted help from the voice of the Memphis Redbirds, David Kelly (the lender of the now quasi-famous home run call that I use) for my book, which is coming together very nicely as well as Reggie Williams with the pictures that I could use for the book as well.

My friend Kasi in Nashville told me on Tuesday night that she wanted to name her daughter (if she has one) after me because she think my name is very cute.

Awww………

And the Cardinals are rolling on in the playoffs.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now.

Not a good time to be a Spartan fan

As a Cardinal fan, you have to have some sympathy for the Chicago Cubs when their season ends.

While our boys head to a postseason berth, the North Siders deal with another losing season and another year of wait for that long-deserved World Series championshp.

But if you’re a Big Ten football fan like myself, you have to have some sympathy for the Michigan State Spartans, which pretty much cemented themselves as the Chicago Cubs of the Big Ten.

And from what I’ve read in both the Lansing State Journal and the Detroit Free Press, the sting of what happened almost two weeks ago for the Spartans has turned Michigan State into the punchline of college football this season.

Some of the Spartan blogs that I read on Sunday flat-foot ripped the coaching style of John L. Smith, including one that had a clip of a podcast that was done on last Friday before the Spartans’ game with Illinois on Saturday.

Of course, that game was the tipping point of what could be the final days of John L. Smith at Michigan State.

When you’re facing a team that has only won one game in the entire Big Ten the last three years and to make matters worse, it’s during your Homecoming, you’d think that the Spartans would be able to put the Illinois Fighting Illini away.

Wrong.

And you’d think they’d put one of the biggest collapses in the history of college football behind them.

Also wrong.

The Spartans lose to the Illini 23-20 and then saved all their energy for a good-ol’ shoving match with the Illini players as they tried their best to plant the Illinois flag in the middle of Spartan Stadium in front of an already-pissed Spartan Stadium crowd.

And John L. Smith couldn’t even come up with an answer in the press conference, save for a bizarre self-slapping to his own face.

Well, he picked the right person to slap.

Himself.

I mean, how the hell can anybody outside of Indiana lose to Illinois in Big Ten play and not come up with the right reasons to justify the reason why they choked?

These guys that play for the Spartans are around the same age as I am and maybe when they got to Michigan State, they had no idea what they were getting themselves into.

They didn’t think that the guy they were going to spend three or four years playing for was going to blow games three or four times a year.

When your big rival starts chipping away at an insurmountable lead in the fourth after your quarterback throws a few interceptions, you explain to them that they need to finish the drill and not make any more mistakes.

You don’t stand on the sidelines and tweedle your damn thumbs.

With Michigan coming up, it’s safe to say that John L. Smith is on his way out the door.

That is, unless they pull off a miracle.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston……………

Just watched Michigan State make Notre Dame’s defense look as lost as a crackhead in Downtown Memphis (wonder if I can say that) by scoring two quick touchdowns to give Michigan State a 14-0 lead over Notre Dame at Spartan Stadium and probably threatening my two-point gift to the Irish against the Spartans.

In Cincinnati, the Chicago Cubs are beating the Cincinnati Reds 11 to 4 as the game goes into the bottom of the eighth inning. The scenario for the Cardinals is clear and simple, a Cardinals win and a Reds loss would shrink the magic number down to three games with one more game against the Astros in what could possibly be Roger Clemens’ last home start as a pitcher on Sunday night, a game I will definitely be watching.

But for now, it looks like the magic number will probably whittle down to four instead of three as the Cardinals are trailing the Astros, who have won the first two games of this series on late-inning dramatics (Lance Berkman’s homer in the 8th inning and the big ninth inning that the Astros had in the bottom of the ninth inning), 3 to 1 going into the top of the sixth inning. Luke Scott has his ninth homer of the year tonight for the Astros.

Prediction on Michigan State-Notre Dame

Spartans 23

Irish 21